We look to a dictionary when we want a definition of a word. But where do we look when we want to define ourselves?
We usually only realize what our good and bad qualities are when we see how others react to us.
We find out that we’re funny if people laugh at what we say (hopefully when we mean to be humorous). We find out we’re wise if people seriously consider our words. We find out we’re caring when people are genuinely thankful for our thoughtfulness and we find out if we’re cruel when people become angry with us.
Having said that, we also have to realize that others can bring their own baggage to our self-definition.
What that means is you might be funny – but a person who wants to cut you down to size will keep a stony face firmly in place.
That means you may be wise – but a person who is intent on following his or her own destructive path will disregard your advice.
And that means you could be caring – but a person who is incapable of accepting love and kindness won’t recognize it.
The people in our lives can be the same as a funhouse mirror – reflecting our images back to us in distorted and almost unrecognizable ways. Hopefully we’re able to identify and dismiss the ones who do this to us – because they will stand out as exceptions to how most folks react to us.
The problem comes when those closest to us in our everyday lives reflect back these negative images of ourselves. It could be a co-worker, friend or even a close family member – but when you’re regularly and repeatedly fed back negative messages about yourself, whether those messages are true or not, some part of you can’t help but absorb that negativity.
It ends up affecting your enthusiasm for life, your motivation for your ambitions and your energy to get things done.
That’s why I believe it’s crucial to regularly evaluate how you’re being treated by the people you see on a daily basis – and get beyond the ones who are managing to distort your own self-image.
Who defines you? You should – with the help of those who are genuinely supportive, caring and open enough to see you as you really are.
Nice post Collette,
There are definitely some people who we need to excise from our lives. Toxic people need to hang with other toxic people – not try to infect people who are trying to better themselves.
When people annoy me I just dump them. I have no need or time to feed their insecurities. And if they are just plain rude or mean then why bother?
There are plenty of really decent people in the world without having to pander to the dross.
You write well. You should send this post to your list or to Twitter or Facebook. It’s a good message and deserves to be read.
Gary Simpson
http://www.journeylifedestiny.com
Good article Collette!
I can really relate to how we run into so many people that either don`t relate to what we are trying to accomplish or are critical of what we are doing to make our lives better. I seem to have the experience of attracting people that are jealous of my progress so I have been trying to adopt the same way of dealing with it as Mr. Simpson. Dumping them!
I am not used to treating people this way so it is very difficult for me to dump people for what they do not understand. Sometimes I think this is the only way we are able to continue on and stay focused on our goals of becoming who we want to be.
You do write well and I enjoyed your post and look forward to reading more of your articles. Thank you.
In truth, Mike Dashiell